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Showing posts from January, 2015

Not your mother's "Mom Jeans": you know it's all about that bass...

I don't know what's worse, shopping for bathing suits, or shopping for jeans.  Both experiences are right up there with pap-smears and cleaning up vomit on my list of ugh -worthy activities.  Shopping for bathing suits and jeans both leave you frustrated and deflated, shimmying into too-tight or slithering into too-loose fabrics, discovering new areas of your body that have either drooped downwards or disappeared completely off the face of the earth (i.e. my waist and confidence). Ultimately, both have you fleeing the dressing room empty-handed and heading straight for the nearest fro-yo shop for a double-scoop of frozen therapy.  Let's face it, after kids, our bodies just aren't the same as they were pre-kids.  As each of my three boys descended down the birth canal, other body parts followed suit: boobs, bum, waist...they all bought a one-way ticket south from Taut-ville to Mom-ville.  But just because your body is different, doesn't mean that you can't loo

Sick kids 101: How to spot a faker (and other nuggets of wisdom)

While we're on the topic of germs and illness (I'm still not fully over my cold...19 days later), I thought I'd tackle kiddie colds for a bit. I've been asked to be part of an upcoming parenting panel for Canada AM exploring the dreaded "pukies". There's nothing more jarring to your mental routine that suddenly hearing, "Mom, I don't feel well". I pride myself on a 0-1 absences per child per school-year record.  I have three boys - so the math is simple.  In general, my kids are healthy, but this stellar attendance record could only be achieved using my general rule of thumb: "Unless you have a fever, or have fluids spewing from either end, you're going to school."   There is no grey area.  A common cold, or the sniffles do not lead to missed school.  How to Spot a Faker: This is easy using my fail-proof proprietary faker technique (PFT): if indeed a child is truly too sick to go to school, then they have to spend th

Surviving the Cold War: fighting phlegm, a guide to gaining sympathy.

I am pleased to say (knock on wood), that I have cultivated a pretty flippin' impressive immune system within this temple of mine.  Probiotics, green-tea, exercise, low-stress, laughing randomly, licking raw chicken packages, kissing my kids' runny noses: these are just some of the ways in which I have elevated my white blood cell count and lined my gut with germ killing flora.  Despite living in a home chalk-a-block with boogery-boys, I have managed to ward off illness to the point where I only get sick, on average, once per annum.  Being super-immune comes at a price though.  Because I'm so unconditioned to viruses, when one does hit, it causes me catastrophic over-reaction and whining (man style!).   But the sympathy I get from those around me, helps to heal. Right now, as I struggle to type this blog entry, face pallid, nostrils chapped, I am victim to one such bug - "the common cold".   Allow me to vent: first off, I am offended that we call it the common